Break down... Break through....

this is an old poem, two parts, gonna post one, then you will have to look ^ there for the second one, posting them together is just too much, you really, need that bit of a break. some of my darkest hours.... two and a half years ago. but this too deserves a home here. it is part of who i am and will not shy away from. to know where you're going you have to remember where you've been. i am grateful every day of my life i am no longer in THIS place, mentally, emotionally, and especially not physically!


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Break down... break through
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hurry, the walls going up....
run, I say to my mind.
don't let my heart in!
hurry build the wall.
don't let the heart in...


that betrayer,
that heart has is no longer
welcome here.
build the wall,
make it sturdy.


the wall is up.
just me and my mind.
outside this fortress is my heart.


outside that is many more walls
a labyrinth
guarded by a fire breathing
dragon.


keeping my heart safe...
keeping me sane.


Oh no!
here come the demons -
seeping in threw the walls
through the cracks in the bricks
through the mortar in the walls.


I haven't seen them for so long.
demons...
Mistrust, Self Loathing, and Fear...
"There are more", my mind screams.
seems they have brought their friends
more demons...
Agony and Loneliness.


These demons
new and old
capture my mind.
Hold it as their prisoner.
My body is nothing but a helpless
shell;
another hostage
as I watch my mind being
held captive.
Logic and Reason have fled-


Oh,
so this is what my heart
was protecting me from.
Compassion, Courage, and Love;
those mystical creatures
that reside within my heart
were protecting me
from these
overwhelmingly, powerful demons.


The demons that I thought
had long ago been
banished were opportunistically
waiting for my heart to
be separated from me...
as if this moment was planned.


I am an empty hollow
lying on the fortress floor.
my heart is outside the fortress wall.
my mind held prisoner by the demons.


if there was only some way strength could reach me.
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